Setting clear expectations is an important aspect of parenting as it helps establish boundaries, promotes positive behavior, and fosters healthy communication within the family.
Be consistent:
Consistency is key when it comes to setting expectations. Children thrive on predictability, so make sure your rules and expectations remain consistent over time. This means enforcing the same standards across different situations and avoiding exceptions that might confuse your child.
Be clear and specific:
Clearly communicate your expectations to your child in a language they can understand. Instead of saying, “Be good,” provide specific instructions such as “Put away your toys after playing” or “Say please and thank you.”
Involve your child:
Whenever possible, involve your child in setting expectations and rules. This helps them feel empowered and encourages their ownership of the rules. Discuss why certain expectations are important and why they matter for your family.
When your child is struggling with following a rule, sit down and ask them why it is hard for them to follow it. (This will vary based on age of child, but even young toddlers have more insight and understanding than you think) If you can prompt them through why it is hard, then you can help them come up with a way to make it easier to follow or set boundaries around it you are both comfortable with.
Example of Involving your Child:
Ex: My 3 year old, is very physical and active and thrives on very active play. I have a one year old as well and so I have to carefully watch my older kiddo with how he interacts with the baby. Instead of constantly yelling or getting on to him, we work on setting boundaries together that are safe for everyone. He might say he wants to be able to hug him, so we talk about what is a safe way to hug him, instead of tackling him to the ground every time.
Use positive language:
Frame expectations in a positive manner rather than focusing on negatives. For example, instead of saying, “Don’t run indoors,” say, “Please walk indoors.” Positive language encourages cooperation and helps children understand what they should be doing instead of constantly telling them what they should not be doing.
Hot tip: Toddler’s typically only hear the last word of the sentence not the first, so when you say “Don’t Run” they hear “Run”. Use language to tell them what you want them to do instead of what you don’t want them to do.
Set age-appropriate expectations:
Consider your child’s age and developmental stage when setting expectations. Younger children may require simpler and more concrete expectations, while older children can handle more complex instructions.
Read More About Setting Age-Appropriate Expectations Based on Language Development
Follow through with consequences:
This one should probably be the first one on this list. This is one of the most difficult things as a parent, but can make the biggest difference in your day to day life.
Clearly communicate the consequences of not meeting expectations, and be prepared to follow through if necessary. Consistently applying consequences helps reinforce the importance of meeting expectations and teaches children about responsibility.
It of course is a lot more difficult than it sounds, because we are all tired and do not want to stop the fun or deal with the incoming tantrum, but by following through and being consistent, it helps eliminate the push back and the amount of times you have to tell them to stop. It will also pay off in dividends in your day to day activities.
Model the behavior:
Children often learn by observing their parents. Be a positive role model by demonstrating the behavior you expect from your child. If you want your child to exhibit kindness, respect, or patience, make sure you exhibit those qualities as well.
Celebrate success:
When your child meets or exceeds expectations, acknowledge their efforts and celebrate their success. Positive reinforcement, such as praise or rewards, can motivate children to continue meeting expectations and reinforces their self-esteem. Be specific in your praise and make sure you are finding ways to praise them more than you are getting on to them, even if it is small successes throughout the day.
Remember that every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. It’s important to adapt your approach based on your child’s temperament, needs, and abilities. Effective communication and an open dialogue with your child will help you establish clear expectations and foster a healthy parent-child relationship.
